Money was not what held back George Springer’s Debut

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ImageThere has been a lot of talk about why George Springer was held back in the minors. I am here to tell you a story about growth and development, rather than money and containment. George Springer’s major league debut was the finale step in a journey full of struggle, love, hate, greed, loyalty, and death. So sit back and relax. Let this story show you how to get through life’s struggles… Suck it Puig.

Chapter 1: Luhnow finds a suitor for the outfield
It’s been a full year since George was drafted 11th overall and the Astros are looking at another last place finish. Springer has yet to be heard from, so Luhnow thought about the possibility of moving forward with the franchise. He has had all sorts of suitors playing for him. The suitors are taking advantage of Luhnow’s hospitality and posting terrible batting averages. One suitor named Jordan Schafer even batted .211%.

Meanwhile Springer’s holly protector Craig Biggio,

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Praise the who slides into 2nd on an obvious single.

was talking about Springer’s fate to Jim Crane. Jim had been worrying about the suitors taking advantage of his GM Luhnow. Biggio and Crane set up a ship to travel far and wide to find Springer. Either dead or alive.

Chapter 2: Springer’s Escape from AA
Springer had spent several months in corpus Christi in slaved to the manager Bodie. Bodie was deeply in love with Springer. Even though Springer fought off all of Bodie’s advances, he let Springer free after a talk with a member of MLB’s commissioner’s office. Bud had sent a rep after a plea for help from Biggio. Bodie gave Springer new clothes and a raft. Once A.J Pierzynski (God of terrible people) learned of Springer’s escape, he sent mighty storms Springer’s way.

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YOU DID WHAT?!

Some how he survived and washed up on the shores of AAA. Springer was discovered in a bush by a couple of Oklahoma City Red Hawks. They took him home to their manager Defrancesco, where he told the story of his journey.

Chapter 3: Springer’s account of his adventures in AA
After wins against the Erie SeaWolves, the Hooks where late to their next game, because their bus was off course by storms. A very tired Springer hit a line drive and hit Pawtucket Red Sox’s super star pitcher in the head. After hearing the events, A.J Pierzynski cursed the Hooks to wonder around from town to town on a bus ALL YEAR LONG. Springer’s crew soon went on a losing streak, where also turned into swine by a local witch, some died of hunger, and slept in cheap motels.

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Also Kevin Costner stole all the MILFS

It was indeed a hard Journey. No matter how hard it got, Springer never lost hope. He would make it into the league.

Chapter 4: MLB Debut
After hearing Springer’s story, Defrancesco delivered Springer to Houston. Before going to Houston, they ran into Jim Crane and Biggio. They talked about Luhnow’s suitors. They showed him the stats to show how bad they had been taking advantage of Luhnow. After the meeting, everyone headed to Minute maid where he challenged the suitors to a contest. Whoever could throw a baseball through twelve axe heads would win the starting job. Of course Springer is the only one with the ability to accomplish this task. After winning the starting job, Springer then killed all the suitors including Harrel (he looked at him funny).

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How many Axes?

That night he made his Major League Debut.

As you can see, it was never as simple as “oh they wanted to save money”. Every legend has a journey that defined them. I hope you enjoyed this tale and tell your children’s children a distorted version of this epic adventure. Goodbye.

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